you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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