so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Rumble strips road head = magical
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
