she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
