Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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