Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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