I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
