I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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