Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
