you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
