Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
