I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
