the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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