My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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