Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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