Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
