It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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