i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
