Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
