He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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