A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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