my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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