Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you would pick up someone in the library
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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