just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
