I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
