Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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