theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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