I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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