i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
