I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
