Where did you get a picture of my penis
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
