I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
