i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
