Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
