Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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