it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
