I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
