I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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