how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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