make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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