Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
