im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
