This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
