Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
