please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
