Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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