i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
