i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
