Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
