I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
