We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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