I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
