During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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