what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
