They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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