I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
