I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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