Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
